Hobby 101 - What Do I Need To Start Painting?

 Last weekend I got asked "How do you get started with painting as a hobby?" My initial response was "How long do you have?" In all honesty it's not something I've ever been asked directly before - almost everyone I've spoken to about the hobby has either been in the hobby, and thus already started, or are outside the hobby and have opinions ranging from "that's cool" to "how the hell do you paint the eyes on those, they're tiny!"

With that in mind, I'm now going to try and answer the question.